This house will surely be getting will surely be getting a blue plaque any day now. It will say “The house closest to Sainsbury’s” and all who walk past will give a slight – some might say unnoticeable – nod of respect. Apart form the people from Tesco – they’ll not be happy.
So, if you like Sainsbury’s and loath walking then this house has got your name written all over it! Please note, if it actually has got your name written all over it, that will come out of your deposit.
Oh boy, it’s a great house – it’s ‘normous! It’s spread over three floors, which is great if you like exercise then you don’t even need to leave the house to recreate that “just walked up Kilimanjaro” feeling! And you don’t even have to ask your mates for sponsorship to do it.
Downstairs is the biggest kitchen I’ve seen this week so you can all prepare your food without getting into a fist fight over who is using the work surface. I feel it might even bring you together.
The 6 bedrooms are all great, apart from one which – truth be told – is small. It’s only got a single bed in it, but if you want somewhere to lay your head and want to pay less than all your other sucker friends then boom! It’s yours.
ALL INCLUSIVE RENT£300/ 320PCM INCLUDES GAS, ELECTRIC, WATER, INTERNET, TV LICENCE
“Hey man, how the flip did you get such a wicked house?” is what your mates will say if a) they are (understandably) green with envy or b) talk like idiots.
But they’ll be making a very valid point. You WILL have a wicked house, despite that word not being cool since 1994. And boy will you know it – you’ll be charging people to come round for a look before you know it!
So, the nuts and bots of it – 6 bedrooms, which means you will either be sharing with 6 of your mates, or 6 people you managed to cobble together to live together. You’ll all start off as mates, but will despise each other by Christmas….. we’ve all been there…..
Sorry, i digress.
All the bedrooms are of a good size apart form room 7. That ones a bit rubbish as it’s a single room with a slopey ceiling but you know what? We’ll do it so cheap that you’ll be an idiot if you refuse it.
Room 2 is my favourite – it’s two rooms into one so you can keep sleep and study separate. Or sleep and xBox – depending on your fancy.
Otherwise, you’ll be happy little bunny living here – if you’re not, i’ll come and give you a hug. And a toffee crisp.
Oooooh this is big!! It has really high ceilings, so if you're into pogo sticking or have a remote controlled helicopter then this is the place of your dreams.
There are 5 great bedrooms, though a couple are really HUGE so you'll best be the first through the door to baggsy the best one. That said, if you plump for the smallest then you might be able to convince your mates to let you pay less - more money for the pub! And there are 2 full bathrooms plus an extra loo. Crikey, you've almost got a toilet each!
There's a tellybox in the lounge, so no arguments about who's goes communal and it has freeview too, so if you're not satisfied with the rubbish that normal channels churn out, you'll have access to billions more.
The astute amongst you may have realised that we're not really a normal letting agency. So much so that there's only really 2 of us - both of whom are awesome. One slightly more so, but that's a matter of opinion.
What we can promise - cross our hearts and hope to die - is that we will treat you as if you were our own children if you live in one of our properties. And by that we don't mean we'll sub you money and do your laundry - in fact, if you stop paying your rent we'll come and duff you up. Bet your mum wouldn't do that, huh?
Contrary to popular belief, this is NOT where Byker Grove was set. That said, I think that Ant and Dec did once walk past the house on the way to the Bingo up the road, so that's claim to fame enough for me. Oh, and Wor Chezza's mum used to live round the corner, so you might get a glimpse of Chezza coming home to see Mam one day with her new tats. You know why? Because she's worth it
This used to be a great 6 bed flat, but we thought "there's loads of great 6 beds - why don't we make it into an awesome 5 bed", so asked some men to come round with hammers and knock a wall down. Fortunately, the brief was a bit more precise than that and they did the right one and then made it look good again. They even made sure that the person in the now defunct 6th bedroom was out. Man, they weren't happy when they came home :o)
So what to tell you that doesn't make me sound like a shiny suited estate agent It's got a geet big lounge come kitchen come dining room. A loungeitchening room if you will. Decked out with the normal stuff - sofa, fridge freezer and dishwasher - plus some not so normal stuff.
All of the 5 rooms are brilliant - yes, one's a tiny bit smaller but only in comparison to the others - so there shouldn't be too many games of beer pong to decide who gets which. It also has a bathroom, a shower room and an extra toilet. Bonus!
It's just a hop skip and jump from Heaton Perk which is a great cafe, but the last time I saw someone hop skip and jump there, he got chased down the road by a dog.