This house will surely be getting will surely be getting a blue plaque any day now. It will say “The house closest to Sainsbury’s” and all who walk past will give a slight – some might say unnoticeable – nod of respect. Apart form the people from Tesco – they’ll not be happy.
So, if you like Sainsbury’s and loath walking then this house has got your name written all over it! Please note, if it actually has got your name written all over it, that will come out of your deposit.
Oh boy, it’s a great house – it’s ‘normous! It’s spread over three floors, which is great if you like exercise then you don’t even need to leave the house to recreate that “just walked up Kilimanjaro” feeling! And you don’t even have to ask your mates for sponsorship to do it.
Downstairs is the biggest kitchen I’ve seen this week so you can all prepare your food without getting into a fist fight over who is using the work surface. I feel it might even bring you together.
The 6 bedrooms are all great, apart from one which – truth be told – is small. It’s only got a single bed in it, but if you want somewhere to lay your head and want to pay less than all your other sucker friends then boom! It’s yours.
What a great house. Mainly attributed to the fact that it contains such a great number. 5. The amount of appendages on a Star Fish, the name of the 80's most popular drink 5-alive (though some would still argue that was Um Bongo) but most importantly what all of your friends will give you a high one of when they see quite how incredible your new house is. Sorry, I've confused myself a little bit - I'm alluding to the fact that they'll give you a high 5. God, that was tedious wasn't it.
Sorry, back to reality... so, the nitty gritty. 5 amazeballs bedrooms (I'm trialling that word - it doesn't really work, does it?), a superlounge (which is like the love child of a kitchen, lounge and dining room), 2 full bathrooms, a massive yard and a general feeling of envy from all your mates who come over to see you for an epic yard party!
Oooooh this is big!! It has really high ceilings, so if you're into pogo sticking or have a remote controlled helicopter then this is the place of your dreams.
There are 5 great bedrooms, though a couple are really HUGE so you'll best be the first through the door to baggsy the best one. That said, if you plump for the smallest then you might be able to convince your mates to let you pay less - more money for the pub! And there are 2 full bathrooms plus an extra loo. Crikey, you've almost got a toilet each!
There's a tellybox in the lounge, so no arguments about who's goes communal and it has freeview too, so if you're not satisfied with the rubbish that normal channels churn out, you'll have access to billions more.
The astute amongst you may have realised that we're not really a normal letting agency. So much so that there's only really 2 of us - both of whom are awesome. One slightly more so, but that's a matter of opinion.
What we can promise - cross our hearts and hope to die - is that we will treat you as if you were our own children if you live in one of our properties. And by that we don't mean we'll sub you money and do your laundry - in fact, if you stop paying your rent we'll come and duff you up. Bet your mum wouldn't do that, huh?