This is like the club sandwich of the heaton house world. And by that, I don't mean that it is held together by a cocktail stick, though I can't guarantee that it's free of bacon. Though that's not a bad thing - everyone likes bacon don't they? Except maybe veggies, but even then I bet they could be tempted.
What you have is three floors of wonder. The two furthermost bedrooms are on the ground floor and top floor, so if two of you don't really get on then this is the ideal situation.
Downstairs - lounge, tick. Massive bedroom, tick. Kitchen and utility room, tick. Jealous mates, tick.
First floor - 3 good rooms, 1 shower room, 1 bathroom, 1 additional toilet, stairs, skirting boards - you know, the usual stuff
Top floor - 2 lovely bedrooms
Et voila! That's your lot!
ALL INCLUSIVE RENT£300/ 320PCM INCLUDES GAS, ELECTRIC, WATER, INTERNET, TV LICENCE
“Hey man, how the flip did you get such a wicked house?” is what your mates will say if a) they are (understandably) green with envy or b) talk like idiots.
But they’ll be making a very valid point. You WILL have a wicked house, despite that word not being cool since 1994. And boy will you know it – you’ll be charging people to come round for a look before you know it!
So, the nuts and bots of it – 6 bedrooms, which means you will either be sharing with 6 of your mates, or 6 people you managed to cobble together to live together. You’ll all start off as mates, but will despise each other by Christmas….. we’ve all been there…..
Sorry, i digress.
All the bedrooms are of a good size apart form room 7. That ones a bit rubbish as it’s a single room with a slopey ceiling but you know what? We’ll do it so cheap that you’ll be an idiot if you refuse it.
Room 2 is my favourite – it’s two rooms into one so you can keep sleep and study separate. Or sleep and xBox – depending on your fancy.
Otherwise, you’ll be happy little bunny living here – if you’re not, i’ll come and give you a hug. And a toffee crisp.
What a great house. Mainly attributed to the fact that it contains such a great number. 5. The amount of appendages on a Star Fish, the name of the 80's most popular drink 5-alive (though some would still argue that was Um Bongo) but most importantly what all of your friends will give you a high one of when they see quite how incredible your new house is. Sorry, I've confused myself a little bit - I'm alluding to the fact that they'll give you a high 5. God, that was tedious wasn't it.
Sorry, back to reality... so, the nitty gritty. 5 amazeballs bedrooms (I'm trialling that word - it doesn't really work, does it?), a superlounge (which is like the love child of a kitchen, lounge and dining room), 2 full bathrooms, a massive yard and a general feeling of envy from all your mates who come over to see you for an epic yard party!
Oooooh this is big!! It has really high ceilings, so if you're into pogo sticking or have a remote controlled helicopter then this is the place of your dreams.
There are 5 great bedrooms, though a couple are really HUGE so you'll best be the first through the door to baggsy the best one. That said, if you plump for the smallest then you might be able to convince your mates to let you pay less - more money for the pub! And there are 2 full bathrooms plus an extra loo. Crikey, you've almost got a toilet each!
There's a tellybox in the lounge, so no arguments about who's goes communal and it has freeview too, so if you're not satisfied with the rubbish that normal channels churn out, you'll have access to billions more.
The astute amongst you may have realised that we're not really a normal letting agency. So much so that there's only really 2 of us - both of whom are awesome. One slightly more so, but that's a matter of opinion.
What we can promise - cross our hearts and hope to die - is that we will treat you as if you were our own children if you live in one of our properties. And by that we don't mean we'll sub you money and do your laundry - in fact, if you stop paying your rent we'll come and duff you up. Bet your mum wouldn't do that, huh?