ALL INCLUSIVE RENT£300/ 320PCM INCLUDES GAS, ELECTRIC, WATER, INTERNET, TV LICENCE
“Hey man, how the flip did you get such a wicked house?” is what your mates will say if a) they are (understandably) green with envy or b) talk like idiots.
But they’ll be making a very valid point. You WILL have a wicked house, despite that word not being cool since 1994. And boy will you know it – you’ll be charging people to come round for a look before you know it!
So, the nuts and bots of it – 6 bedrooms, which means you will either be sharing with 6 of your mates, or 6 people you managed to cobble together to live together. You’ll all start off as mates, but will despise each other by Christmas….. we’ve all been there…..
Sorry, i digress.
All the bedrooms are of a good size apart form room 7. That ones a bit rubbish as it’s a single room with a slopey ceiling but you know what? We’ll do it so cheap that you’ll be an idiot if you refuse it.
Room 2 is my favourite – it’s two rooms into one so you can keep sleep and study separate. Or sleep and xBox – depending on your fancy.
Otherwise, you’ll be happy little bunny living here – if you’re not, i’ll come and give you a hug. And a toffee crisp.
This is like the club sandwich of the heaton house world. And by that, I don't mean that it is held together by a cocktail stick, though I can't guarantee that it's free of bacon. Though that's not a bad thing - everyone likes bacon don't they? Except maybe veggies, but even then I bet they could be tempted.
What you have is three floors of wonder. The two furthermost bedrooms are on the ground floor and top floor, so if two of you don't really get on then this is the ideal situation.
Downstairs - lounge, tick. Massive bedroom, tick. Kitchen and utility room, tick. Jealous mates, tick.
First floor - 3 good rooms, 1 shower room, 1 bathroom, 1 additional toilet, stairs, skirting boards - you know, the usual stuff
Top floor - 2 lovely bedrooms
Et voila! That's your lot!
What a great house. Mainly attributed to the fact that it contains such a great number. 5. The amount of appendages on a Star Fish, the name of the 80's most popular drink 5-alive (though some would still argue that was Um Bongo) but most importantly what all of your friends will give you a high one of when they see quite how incredible your new house is. Sorry, I've confused myself a little bit - I'm alluding to the fact that they'll give you a high 5. God, that was tedious wasn't it.
Sorry, back to reality... so, the nitty gritty. 5 amazeballs bedrooms (I'm trialling that word - it doesn't really work, does it?), a superlounge (which is like the love child of a kitchen, lounge and dining room), 2 full bathrooms, a massive yard and a general feeling of envy from all your mates who come over to see you for an epic yard party!
Contrary to popular belief, this is NOT where Byker Grove was set. That said, I think that Ant and Dec did once walk past the house on the way to the Bingo up the road, so that's claim to fame enough for me. Oh, and Wor Chezza's mum used to live round the corner, so you might get a glimpse of Chezza coming home to see Mam one day with her new tats. You know why? Because she's worth it
This used to be a great 6 bed flat, but we thought "there's loads of great 6 beds - why don't we make it into an awesome 5 bed", so asked some men to come round with hammers and knock a wall down. Fortunately, the brief was a bit more precise than that and they did the right one and then made it look good again. They even made sure that the person in the now defunct 6th bedroom was out. Man, they weren't happy when they came home :o)
So what to tell you that doesn't make me sound like a shiny suited estate agent It's got a geet big lounge come kitchen come dining room. A loungeitchening room if you will. Decked out with the normal stuff - sofa, fridge freezer and dishwasher - plus some not so normal stuff.
All of the 5 rooms are brilliant - yes, one's a tiny bit smaller but only in comparison to the others - so there shouldn't be too many games of beer pong to decide who gets which. It also has a bathroom, a shower room and an extra toilet. Bonus!
It's just a hop skip and jump from Heaton Perk which is a great cafe, but the last time I saw someone hop skip and jump there, he got chased down the road by a dog.